The Simple Life {Decluttering, Part Two}

So this former tent-dwelling backpacker has acquired a houseful of stuff.

That skinny, salty-water-hair girl would have cringed at the thought, but I've got a basement and crawl spaces, a big second-hand freezer, and a 14-year-old VW. When our former, grandmotherly neighbour shows up on our doorstep with another large kid's toy she wants to give us cause she knows no one else with kids, we say yes, cause hey, we've got the space.

Analogue photos circa 2003. I actually just decluttered that grey vest *today*. This move is necessary. 

And I love it--it is the stage of life we are at, and many of these things have emotions attached to them. In many ways, I'm a different person than the one who left Quebec 10 years ago--we met and married in Europe, our kids were born in this city--which makes the sorting, giving, selling at times painful.

We've lived in this city for 9 years now. At first, it was hard for me to settle down. After 5 years of moving every 4-8 months, from dorm rooms in Toronto to a tent in the islands, from a furnished apartment in Quebec City with a view of the Chateau Frontenac to an attic garret in Austria, to a huge (but freezing) room in Greece one winter with a wrap-around balcony looking out over the Aegean sea. I've been blessed to have lived in some beautiful places, to have met more beautiful people. I got used to leaving, to living a materialistically-speaking "simple life." It was an adventurous period for discovering more of the world, of myself, of people and the faith that runs thick in my veins.

But there came a time to put down roots. To stay awhile. To commit to a place and people, a church family. To let people know me and peel back layers of self-defense and protection, layers of criticism and picking the speck out of your eye while sanding the comfy plank in my own.

After years of the transient life, once it was clear I would be moving to Germany to marry the charming German who swept me off my feet, I gave away dishes, pots and CD player to university friends, leaving a box marked "please help yourself" in the hallway of the dorm I lived in in Toronto for the summer between visiting Europe and living here.

So we planted ourselves in this rich southern German soil, our roots drinking deep from the clear blue Bodensee. Life is no longer simple. Those roots have become a network curling around and enmeshed with hundreds of other lives, not just friends but colleagues, neighbours, church, our children's beloved Kindergarten teachers.
And we're about to yank them up.

This post is the second part in a little series, here is part one.

Decluttering house, mind, and soul {Part 1}

In anticipation of our Big Move this summer, this week I've been relentlessly sorting and pricing stuff to sell at the Kinderbasar held by our local Kindergarten this weekend. We've been hosting parties and giving away DVDs and books that weren't worth selling on Amazon, posting ads and getting stuff picked up. We've been stealthy; so far the kids haven't even noticed anything missing as we pare down their book selection, unused toys and outgrown clothes.

Where did all this stuff come from?  It wasn't always this way.

When I as 21, I lived in a tent in the woods for 3 months with only a backpack's belongings.

Here, in the raw, windswept beauty of the Îles-de-la-Madeleine (even their name is beautiful). It had been a dream of mine to visit this archipelago of tiny islands in the Golf of St-Lawrence since I had discovered their existence about 3 years prior. I've always had a thing for maritime culture: the boats, the fishing villages, the ocean, the céilidh kitchen parties of Canada's East Coast provinces, the fiddle music and boisterous singing. The smell of salt water in the air, the feeling of sand between my toes, and the ethereal glow of moonlight on the water.

Even better, these islands belong to Quebec and are (save two tiny anglophone communities within the archipelago) about 96% French-speaking. I was hooked. During my year studying at Université Laval I made some friends from the islands who kindly and generously invited me into their circle of friends, helping me to find a job and figure out the logistics of a summer in their islands.

So I spent 3 months that summer living in a tiny North Face 2-person backpackers tent. It was perfect. A colleague at the vacation center where I worked helped me (that is, I mostly watched him) construct a raised bed of sand under my tent, and we strung a large tarp from the trees branches above, meaning that no rain ever touched it all summer long. I had chosen an isolated spot in the woods down a barely-there path, not near any of the other summer employees also living in tents, as I prized my sleep and privacy.

I slept breathing in the crisp salty-pine air. Upon hearing this, Europeans ask me about animals (they are convinced bears stalk every Canadian's daily life); there are none larger than a house cat on the islands, so that was not a worry to me. My biggest problem was finding my nearly invisible path to my tent in the dark when I would return from an evening out and had, yet again, forgotten my flashlight. Stumbling over underbrush with arms stretched straight out, the glow-in-the-dark zip pull on my tent faithfully guided me home.

I loved the freedom of waking up in the morning, maybe going for a dip in the ocean if I had time, pulling on some clothes (my belongings, which could fit into a large hiking backpack all laid out beside my sleeping bag in the "second person" sleeping spot in the tent), walking up to the campground showers to freshen up for the day. Eating in the restaurant at an employee discount and being immediately at work. It was a little-to-no-makeup/jewelry summer, a few outfits, a few books and my journal. I caught rides to the main island with friends or we hitchhiked. A friend's family let me stay with them when I needed to, I must have done all my laundry there.  It was a simple life, and the lack of possessions to maintain and bills to pay was incredibly freeing (especially to a student-loan-debt plagued young graduate).

It was a summer of sun, sand, sea, and wind. When I returned to the City at the end of 3 and a half months, quickly, via a two-hour plane ride rather than the 24-hour drive by which I got to the islands, I was hit with culture shock. So many buildings. So many advertisements and billboards. So many things. To buy. To pay off. To house. To clean.
So much materialism.

Back then, I wished I could live in that simple, clutter-free island summer bubble forever.

Part one of a little series...

Freedom from the Career vs. Calling trap {Book Review}

"In the Christian view, the way to find your calling is to look at the way you were created. Your gifts have not emerged by accident, but because the Creator gave them to you. [...] What if you're struggling under and unfair boss or a tedious job that doesn't take advantage of all your gifts? It's liberating to accept that God is fully aware of where you are at any moment and that by serving the work you've been given you are serving him." 

(Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work by Timothy Keller, 241)

Over the course of my 20s, I went through a lot of angst about "career" vs. "calling". I had two desires within me -- to pursue academic studies and a "secular" career, in the jargon many Christians use, and the strong desire to help others find the joy, peace, and hope I have found in following Jesus. I hadn't had much career advice in my life, I more or less knew my strengths and I knew what I was interested in, but could always imagine a great variety of careers or "ministry" roles I would be happy in. I had the luxury and privilege most women in the world today don't have: choice. I had many options before me: travel to different countries, fields of study, pursuing paid work or volunteering, getting married or not, having kids or not, working or not. Sometimes I found these choices more bewildering than freeing. 

I sought counsel. I tried things out. I failed at things and, especially thanks to my husband's unflagging support and belief in me, picked myself up again and kept going. Even though I had always been interested in studying literature and writing, for too long I believed somehow that the humanities weren't important enough. ("Not that kind of doctor.") I didn't yet know that narrative could save lives, that stories change the world. I doubted doing a Master's, wondered if I should just spend that time and energy volunteering at church. This inner battle between "career" and "calling" led to a lot of worries, heartache, indecision, guilt and angst.

If I had read Tim Keller's Every Good Endeavor 10 years ago, it would have saved me a lot of grief. I started the book in January and could. not. put. it. down. 

The foreward by Katherine Leary Alsdorf grabbed me by the throat (I read it online and immediately downloaded the Kindle edition of the book). Someone was actually, finally verbalizing and addressing the questions I'd had rolling around in my subconscious about work, career and calling. 

"For the next decade, I served in executive leadership in several entrepreneurial tech companies in New York City, Europe, and Silicon Valley. In each job and each day I wrestled with what it means to be “called to serve God” as a leader in business. Redeemer and its senior pastor, Tim Keller, had given me good grounding. I’d learned that I was supposed to be changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ and therefore be “used by God” in my relationships with others, and maybe even be distinctive in the way I led companies. Nice concepts, but what did they look like in practice? The models were few and often seemed remnants of an age when most of America went to church. One CEO would share that he kept a Bible on his desk and that occasionally someone in the company would ask about it. Another prayed and the company thrived. Many viewed their corporate jobs primarily as a means to make lots of money to give away to charities and organizations they cared about. When I asked pastors and businesspeople how their faith related to their work, they often answered that a Christian's primary, if not sole, mission in the workplace was to evangelize those with whom they worked. But most business people would quickly add that evangelism was not one of their gifts. And none of these approaches addressed the issue of how Christians' faith should affect the way they worked." (12)

Keller's book goes far beyond these common, thin models of integrating faith and work and provides a thick, relevant theology of work. I was all "yes" and "amen" and highlighting. Keller addresses why we work--not as a punishment given to Adam after he ate the forbidden fruit, but that work is good, that Adam and Eve worked alongside God in the garden before "the fall." We get to work, to create, to contribute to society. Keller addresses God's Plan for Work, Our Problems with Work and the Gospel and Work. 

"The question must now be 'How, with my existing abilities and opportunities, can I be of greatest service to other people, knowing what I do of God's will and of human need?'" (67)

"Christians are to be fully engaged at work as whole persons, giving their minds, hearts and bodies fully to doing the best job possible on the task at hand." (214)

Too often in Christian circles there is a glorification of "church work", whether volunteer or paid, that being in the church building 24/7 is somehow better than doing any other kind of work. Yet it was Martin Luther who so profoundly preached the value and equality of all kinds of work. 

"First, if religious works were crucial to achieving a good standing with God, then there would always be a fundamental difference between those in church ministry and everyone else. But if religious work did absolutely nothing to earn favor with God, it could no longer be seen as superior to other forms of labor." (73)

 Keller writes so poignantly, 

"There may be no better way to love your neighbor, whether you are writing parking tickets, software, or books, than to simply do your work. But only skillful, competent work will do. [...] all jobs--not merely so-called helping professions--are fundamentally ways of loving your neighbor. Christians do not have to do direct ministry or nonprofit charitable work in order to love others through their jobs. " (76, 79) 

Keller gives insight in how to work for the glory of God and good of all people in many different vocations, often specifically dealing with higher education, artists and writers, of particular interest to me, but many other examples as well.

"So Christians are free to study the world of human culture in order to know more of God; for as creatures made in His image we can appreciate truth and wisdom wherever we find it." (182)

I highly recommend every person to read this book, whether you are in a "secular" or "ministry" job, stay-at-home parent, in the service industry, farmer, educator, in a helping profession, business executive, student or entrepreneur -- this book is for everyone. Keller's insight into the value of ALL kinds of work just might change your entire outlook on what you do each day. It is essential for the Church to value and understand the theology of work as Keller elucidates it and encourage its people how to live and work in this gospel freedom. This book is a game changer.

Review of: 
Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work by Timothy Keller (2012)
Amazon Affiliate Link used. If you buy the book by clicking on this link, you will not pay anything extra but I will receive a tiny subsidy to help finance this blog.

Go to bed.

My word for 2014 is discipline and it truly has been a guiding principle thus far. Rather than being a random word I chose out of the air or a New Year's resolution, it is something God had been impressing on me as an area He wants me to grow in. Self-discipline. Disciplining my schedule. Finishing. Following through on commitments. Not thinking about throwing in the towel.

HolyBelly Café, Paris.

If they fed me every morning, I would be a better woman.
3 months later I can still taste these sweet, tender pancakes.

One big area that needed discipline in my life was sleep. I am naturally a night-owl. I love to work in the wee hours, often that is when my writing flows. But when I go to sleep at midnight, am awakened at least once in the night by a child and definitively by 6:30, I am useless the next day. I prop myself up on a couple of espressos and slog on, but I feel like I have been hit by a truck, I am short-tempered and irritable with my children, and I am unmotivated in my work. As we looked a things in our daily lives that needed to improve, how to be more effective and productive, I realized getting to bed earlier would have a positive impact on everything else. Rather than working on improving in a whole bunch of ways, my aim has been primarily this one: 

Go to bed.

I listen to podcasts while doing housework or cooking if the kids are not at home, asleep or playing with their papa, and a recent practical talk for church planters encouraged me to actually put sleep in my calendar. So I do. I now have a set bedtime (allowing for a few exceptions). I have a pre-set alarm on my phone and get out of bed at the same time every day (the kids helped enormously to bring rhythm into our lives, as they, like the Dowager Countess of Grantham, do not observe weekends). Then I "wind the clock" back 8 hours from that wake-up time, and that is my bedtime. And, knowing I suddenly realize I should start laundry before bed and need time to wind my brain down before I can fall asleep, I try to start heading to bed half an hour before that. Simply writing out our daily schedule at the beginning of the year helped me enormously to always have the basic times in my head of when I should be doing what. I don't always hit the mark, I don't get angry or legalistic about it, but it's a helpful guideline.

Sleep. We need it. Our overtaxed brains need to rejuvenate to be at our best. Plan it in and then take care of the rest.

Finishing

It's been quiet here as I've been taking more time than usual to pray, journal, and meditate on the Bible, usually the "verse of the day" supplied on my phone by the BibleApp. It is handy (source of the German word for mobile phone which is literally, Handy) and usually very applicable to my day. I am attempting to truly meditate on a verse: let it circle round and round in my mind, pray and reflect on which words or phrases stick out to me. I read the verse several times throughout the day and let it sit in my Spirit, make room in my mind and life for His words.

We gave up our daily double espresso infused cappuccino (or two) for the last two weeks of February. Something dear to us, and time consuming to make and enjoy, to make more space for God. I was surprised how dependent i have become on coffee in the past two years, how much I savour and enjoy it. I had withdrawal symptoms for several days and often sorely missed my morning delight. Instead, we've been going to God in extra measure for strength, for alertness, for help to get into the day. We've gone to him with concrete questions and He has met us there. Not always with answers spelled out just the way I'd like, but with a calm confidence that He has a plan, He is good, I can trust him. After a week I felt our questions answered, but we continued the commitment we'd made, also interceding more for friends and bringing their questions and big decisions before His throne of grace. 

I've realized I am not always good at finishing.

But in Christ, I am a finisher.

In Christ, I can be true to my word, finish the project, write the chapter, tackle the overwhelming, follow through.

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

What initially stood out to me in this verse I meditated on a fortnight ago was that he is a "God of endurance and encouragement." He encourages me. I often sorely need his encouragement (especially on no coffee). To continue with my PhD. To get up when I am exhausted. To pursue friendships. To persevere in prayer for people. He cheers me on to keep going in faith, in good works. He endures. He doesn't leave a task incomplete. He doesn't give up on people. He doesn't quit when things get too hard. He doesn't get bored. Oh, how I need his endurance!

The mountain.

Also about a fortnight ago, we finally sent off the very thick wad of paperwork for my husband's permanent residency application so he can live in Canada (!), replete with around 100 photos I had carefully dug out or printed, sorted, and labeled to prove our true and enduring relationship. I had to re-read my old journals from when we fell in love to put down accurate dates. We included a few old love letters and even the notorious phone bill of over $1000 that we accidentally incurred while he was staying at a friend of a friend's house in Alberta, calling me on my not-so-handy Handy in Greece.

Somehow, I couldn't believe we act finished it. We had worked on the paperwork over the course of several months. He had to drive 3 hours each way to Munich just for a doctor's appointment to prove he is perfectly healthy (and his lungs so big from his daily cycling commute the technician could hardly fit them on the x-ray). We had to pay for various forms, proofs, official translations. I had wanted to finish the application during Christmas break and felt it was a huge mountain we would never conquer amongst the rest of life's laundry, labour, loving we have to do.

But we did. We finished it. We did the next thing, and now those things are done. Amazing! 

February has been a month of feeling free, following the plan of simply doing what I can do, doing the next thing. Now we have other next things, but I feel a momentum building, like we are coasting along a flat plain rather than staring at an insurmountable mountain. And soon, I know God is going to come through with the things that only He can do.

What tasks feel insurmountable to you today? Big things, little things. Stuff you hate doing and just put off? I'm tackling my mountain (of books, that pesty theory chapter I simply need to write), just doing the next thing, eating my frogs. Join me?

Iron sharpens iron {we need each other}

This past week this proverb has been reinforced to me so tangibly.

I spend most of my weekdays alone at home working in the mornings, or alone at home with my kids in the afternoons. Beyond the quick chats with other parents and caregivers at Kindergarten, or the occasional afternoon play date, I sometimes do not talk to another adult until my husband comes home in the evening. Social media can give you the feeling of being connected to the outside world, but it is very shallow communication. Very rarely are we honest and authentic online. We do not bare our souls or ask our big questions (nor perhaps should we!). A "like" or re-tweet will never replace a friend's hug or someone looking into your eyes and truly seeing you.

As an introvert, I need time to recover after a full day or two of being with people. I need time to process, journal, contemplate things I have heard, seen, experienced. After a busy day I lay in bed thinking, no matter how tired I am, until my mind whirs to a stop. I can feel alone in a crowd, I find small-talk difficult and when things get awkward or difficult my default mode is to flee.

But I also desperately need people.

Those of us contemplative types can just get lost in our own heads, analyzing, and debating, praying and seeking, but perhaps we are just too close to see the full picture, blind to our blind spots.

This past week, feeling weighed down, confused, and discouraged, a friend spoke the words I needed to hear and prayed for me the conviction that was already pressing in on my heart. On my one day at the university, I ran into a colleague who encouraged, gave perspective, and showed me light at the end of the dissertation tunnel. Then my half-a-world-away sister gave me practical help proofreading some documents via email, improving my work with her talent and skills. I was so much the better for them; my spirit calmer, my mind sharper, my heart happier, thanks to them.

I felt my iron getting sharpened.

Oh, how we need each other. I am learning that even the most put-together, successful-seeming person deals with bouts of self-doubt, insecurity, discouragement. All the people you are intimidated of may just as well be intimidated of you. Every woman I know struggles at times with feeling alone, feeling like her friends never call, that she is the only one who is left out.

Let's be the first to love, to pick up the phone, to encourage, to stop and see someone and listen. Let's ask for help when we need it, let's be vulnerable with friends or family or pastoral leaders close to us, show them who we are. Let's be present where we are now, sharpening each other.

It Takes a City to Raise a Child

The title of this post is shamelessly stolen from Tim Keller, a writer, thinker and pastor I've been amen-ing over the past year since I discovered his books. His eponymous talk fueled our own inner fire for urban living. With young children in the mix and the conventional wisdom of many friends and relatives, one might be wary of living in a large urban center. If you're curious about living in a big city with kids or considering it (or just wondering why we would leave "the perfect place to raise kids"), listen to Keller's talk.

On the metro in Montreal, April 2012.
He insisted on "holding on."

If you prefer print, his wife Kathy's thoughts on "Why the City is  Wonderful Place to Raise Children" offer some practical considerations.
For those who might not take the time to click on the link above, a few handy hints (these examples are specifically from NYC, but many have already applied to our life in Germany):

Reasons to Love City Living

Money Savers You May Not Have Considered

• no car purchase + insurance + parking + gas + repairs
• many free cultural events (e.g., Shakespeare, Philharmonic in the Park), not just amateur performers
• avoid the many hidden costs of house ownership (to be set against the higher cost of city housing in some places)

Savings of Time and Money

• subway
• no house repairs
• no lawn and garden care
• no auto maintenance

Lifestyle Benefits

• simplicity more possible---you collect less stuff in small apartments
• immediate family is closer physically, harder for kids to isolate themselves; meals together more likely
• apt cleaning/care is easier, less time-consuming than a house
• you don't spend all your free time on house/yard chores
• no scraping off your car in icy weather---enjoy walking in the snow instead
• no school snow days---the subway is always working
• sense of community, bonding, in your immediate neighborhood
• for new parents, especially stay-at-home moms, you don't experience the isolation and despair of being stuck at home all day, unable to go out or even see another adult person---just a trip to the laundry room gives you someone to talk to, and a stroll outside brings you to the world
• many large American cities have something like Fresh Direct: order your groceries online and have them delivered the next day, boxed, to your kitchen; great if you are sick or time pressured
• fresh fruit and cheap flowers at corner stands rival expensive shops elsewhere
• great food in every restaurant---no bad meals

Kids

• less peer pressure; great diversity of interests and skills in every school cancels the need to fit into a mold
• diversity of friends and classmates makes them comfortable anywhere in the world later on
• babysitters within walking distance or travel on own---no driving them home late at night
• babysitting less expensive with neighborhood co-op
• kids' friends often within walking distance, or meet at playground; no carpooling
• easy access to cultural enrichment activities (music, art, drama, parks)
• you do things with your kids, rather than sending them out to play in the yard
• teens don't need a car
• teens aren't riding with other teens who may be reckless, drunk, or newly minted drivers
• navigating the city makes them resourceful---not going to be unnerved anywhere else
• kids as young as 11 years old can take themselves to their own dental and allergist appointments, music lessons, playdates
• if you pray and talk frankly in front of your children about your fears and challenges regarding church planting, and your kids see you deriving the strength to go on with it from God, you will be a hero to your children, one who practices what he preaches
• you are able to process the sinfulness of the world, which is up close and visible in the city, with your children; they aren't shielded from it until just as they are leaving home and you are no longer as much an influence in their lives.
• BEST REASON TO RAISE KIDS IN THE CITY: they see young, hip, urban Christians in the church, new believers who have been there and done that and find Christ better than all of it; these young believers are role models that parents can never be---no kid wants to grow up to be their parents; but the artists, musicians, politicians, and others they find in the urban church are a huge aid to making Christianity plausible to kids
• sin is more visible and salvation more plausible in the city

General

• airline prices are cheaper to/from larger cities; fewer transfers
• closer to ministry opportunities, especially diverse groups, the poor, ethnic communities (instead of traveling many miles to reach a people group); virtually all people groups are in the city, especially Africans, Russians, and South Americans
• less expensive for getaways; can travel by subway to a new neighborhood or a cultural enclave for a change of pace; so many unique experiences close at hand
• wealthy people in cities are always happy to lend their vacation homes to ministry families for weekends and getaways, as long as you are flexible; since ministry happens on weekends, mid-week getaways don't generally conflict with the owners' desire to use it on weekends
• easier to reach the suburbs from the city center than to reach the city center from the suburbs
• access to the best of the best in: professional sports, cultural interests (museums, lectures), entertainment (theatre, music, improv), educational opportunities/options, shopping, influencers in every field, restaurants, medical care