They're just things. {The end of decluttering}

With our inter-continental move coming up in two weeks (what?!) we finally had our big Flohmarkt (yard sale) on the weekend. We had an amazing group of friends help us out with setting up and keeping me sane while my husband had fun haggling over prices with neighbours and strangers. (Who has fun doing that? An introvert's hell. I cracked under the pressure of the two older ladies who arrived early while my husband was on a coffee run.) Two of my dear sisters-in-law came down for the weekend and gave the kids the time of their lives, caring for them so well, taking them out swimming all day and singing them a harmonized lullaby.

As we are only moving across the pond with 4 suitcases and shipping a few boxes, we have sold most of our furniture and belongings over the past few months. On Saturday, several people asked me if I felt sad seeing our stuff walking off in the hands of others.

I said, "No. It's a relief."

Partly because no appliances could be brought along, needing an adapter and a transformer, plus the cost of shipping made that an easy decision. Partly because much of it was stuff we no longer used, books we had no time to re-read, ill-fitting clothes, furniture we can't bring on a plane and is not worth its weight to ship. Our tastes have changed and we look forward to decorating a new home slowly, hopefully choosing very carefully and hunting for good deals rather than taking everything we were offered for free (as we did as newlyweds) or buying whatever was cheapest (as we did as newlywed students). What we had been planning and preparing for for months was finally reality, and it is good to see progress.

I've been writing a lot around here (and here and here and here) about decluttering over the past few months. I've found it freeing. I've found it shocking (to see how much we really have accumulated that we don't often use or like). So many times when we've sold something my husband and I both agree "wow, it looks better now without that." Our almost-4-year-old son has dealt remarkably well with seeing things go, taking it in stride when we reassure him that his favourite toys will come along, and explaining that that lamp doesn't fit on the plane.

I did have a bout of sadness six months ago about leaving behind our couch, the one piece of furniture we longed for through years and carefully picked out only 2.5 years ago. I love it, it's comfortable, and it would've lasted til our children brought their boy/girlfriends home to meet us (how long my mom always told us our couches had to last when we were jumping on them). And we are taking some things with us -- I would be sad if our suitcases of current clothing and favourite books didn't arrive, quite at a loss if my boxes full of PhD research got lost, and utterly devastated if something happened to my children's baby books. There's nothing wrong with having a comfortable, inviting home where people feel welcomed, we hope to set up one of those in Montreal when we arrive. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the things we love and find beautiful and useful.

But the main reason I didn't feel sad when selling much of what we've owned is that they're just things. They are. Just stuff.

So many people have lost everything in fires, tornadoes, floods, war. Suddenly. They didn't have a year to carefully pare down their excess baggage like I've had. They didn't get to choose the best and most beloved toys for their children to keep to give them a sense of familiarity when all else around them changes.

Best friends.

What does make me tear up over these last few weeks is imagining how to help my son say goodbye to his best friend. I cry about leaving behind the beloved friend who is so kind to my children, that there will be no one in our new city who has known them from birth. That there will be German family parties and celebrations where our places will be missing. People matter. Eternal things matter.

I hope I'll never set my heart or hopes on my furniture, my technology, my trinkets, my status symbols, whether they be clothes that flatter or books that reflect my interests or decorative items that show I'm hip. I hope I can enjoy the gifts God gives, create a home that welcomes and offers comfort, but keep my heart truly at home in heaven, in eternal things. I hope I will be willing to give things I have to people who need them, without a wince. I hope I'll always trust the One who has provided thus far to provide again. I hope I'll always be willing to sell all I have to follow Him.

My Best Books for Kids: Life Changes

We love books at our house.

Our 22 month old can page through books on her own for upwards of half an hour. Of course we read several books every night before bed, but also in the morning before Kindergarten, in the afternoon, any time they ask really, I try to fit it in. When my son misbehaves I remind him that if he continues, he will lose a story before bed (a fate worse than death!) I am so thankful I was raised on books, my mom sitting on the yellow leopard-sot carpeting of our stairs, reading out loud to all three girls tucked in their beds in adjacent rooms. We all know reading helps kids to speak, read, and write better, to concentrate, to develop their imaginations, expand their vocabularies, and have quality time with parents. Is there anything better than having your kids snuggle up to you to dive into a book?!

We also use books to talk through life changes.

When our second child was born two years ago, I got two great books I'd recommend for introducing a new sibling to the family.



"My New Baby" by Rachel Fuller is our favourite -- our kids still love to look at it. The pages are large, very durable board, with vibrant images our kids love. I love it that these books focus on the positives of having a new sibling, and the practical realities of life with them. I would never read a book demonstrating bad behaviours towards the baby (which is common in books on this topic) unless my child was already displaying them. I certainly didn't want to put negative ideas into his head which he did not already have!

From the New Baby series we also got a book about everyday life with a sibling, "Look at Me"



Again our kids LOVE this book. They always point to the younger/older sibling doing certain activities and say their own names, identifying with these real-life situations.

Our favourite book for toilet learning is Dr. Sears' You can go to the potty


It has great, practical images, our kids love it, and includes extra advice and tips for parents for gentle potty learning. If you cloth diaper, breastfeed, and co-sleep like we do, you'll enjoy seeing those images of daily life reflected in the pages.

And for our big move across the pond in 2 weeks, I just remembered to look for some books to help our kids process their emotions about it. In the all the sorting, selling, and packing, we have drastically reduced their book collection, so they could really use a new read anyway (borrowing from the library and remembering to take them back on time is just too big of a hassle in our final month here). I can't believe I didn't think to do this sooner! I guess because I have been so focused on decluttering and minimizing our possessions to fit in 4 suitcases and a few boxes for the past 6 months. I am really looking forward for two books from this list to arrive soon.

In this season which brings so much change to us all, I want to intentionally help our kids process their emotions about leaving friends, language, house, routines -- all that is familiar. Not repressing or ignoring the sadness and loss, but holding fast together, getting through it til we flourish on the other side.