On leaving the "perfect place to raise kids" for the city

When we moved to this village a year and a half ago, a friend who knows me well was shocked. "You?! But I thought you wanted to live in the city?" We had lived in the heart of our city for over 6 years and loved being able to get anywhere by bicycle within 15 minutes. We hadn't owned a car until our son was about to be born, and even then we rarely used it. I loved being able to walk to the Altstadt, the old medieval part of town where shops and cafés are located in a pedestrian area. 

As soon as the first rays of sun come out, so do the sidewalk cafés. People like to be where people are.

We could walk by the lake or Rhine in the evenings, have impromptu wine and cheese picnics in the summer with dozens of others lining the water at sunset, we studied beside the lake while sunbathing when we were students. Back then, I always admired the families with kids who would stroll or bike over for a quick dip in the water after work.

picnic circa 2009

We love the urban lifestyle, detest driving and don't mind living in small spaces. We love it in fact, as it helps us to limit our possessions, live more simply and spend less time cleaning and less money maintaining (and filling) all that space. 

The fastest (and cheapest) form of transportation in Konstanz: bikes

 So when we moved out of the city to a small town (3000 people) a 15 minute drive away, my friend was shocked. We didn't do it for the reasons most people do, not on purpose anyway. We didn't need to have a yard for the kids, we didn't insist on them growing up in quiet village the same way my husband did. (And I was raised on a farm.) We didn't need our kids to each have their own room (even though they now could, they share a room). The decision was purely financial: we were living above our means and realized we needed to move quickly to get control of our budget and plan wisely for the future. We had our second baby on the way and had a strict timeline for when it would be possible to move house. The housing market here is very competitive with some of the highest prices in Germany, often over a hundred people responding to an ad, and very few places to choose from. We were blessed that our landlords chose us to rent the house we are in now - in our price range, lots of space, a yard, and newly renovated. 

There is a quieter than quiet alley both in front and behind our house, calm residential streets, a few families around the corner. It is only a 5-10 minute walk to the Kindergarten, elementary school, the post office, pharmacy and the store. The city is still only a 15-20 minute drive away, depending on which part of town you want to go to. My husband bikes in to work every day, the 35 minute work out each way gives him space to think and negates any need for a gym membership. There are city buses servicing our town. Lush green forests surround us, there are plenty of trails for walking and biking. The lake with its free swimming in summer is only 3 km away.

Some might call it "the perfect place to raise kids."

It has become home and we do love it. I think everywhere I've lived has a place in my heart (except Marg Ad, a residence at U of T. Shudder.) But now we're leaving it behind to move to the heart of an urban metropolis. In another country. In a language and culture our kids don't yet know (though we're preparing them, and they love an adventure as long as we're together). We're jumping out of the pond and splashing around in the beautiful, messy contact zone of an international life.

My husband and I look forward to big city living, although we also love nature and have enjoyed this quieter than quiet town. You do get used to the (short) drive, but we do miss being able to do "everything" on foot or via public transport. Now my husband is at times gone for 15 hours a day, as it is too far to come home for a break between work appointments. I don't go out with friends very often, as the distance is an extra hurdle (added to two young kids and a PhD), so I have become more isolated and stay home more than I used to. 

I've been reading Life Between Buildings by urban planner Jan Gehl. He states the obvious and backs it up with studies of urban behaviour:

"People are attracted to other people. They gather with and move about with others and seek to place themselves near others. [...] In the home we can see that children prefer to be where there are adults or where there are other children, instead of, for example, where there are only toys." (23)

Any parent of young children knows what its like to be followed from room to room while trying to quickly put away laundry, tripping over her progeny who seem to be still attached by an invisible cord. My dream is to someday shower alone again, without various family members traipsing in and out of the bathroom, brushing teeth, shouting a song to get my attention from beside the tub "Weil ich dich lieb habe!", someone depositing the smelly contents of a dirty diaper in the toilet while I shampoo... (These events may or may not have All. happened. today.)

Gehl goes on to observe: 

"Both in areas with single-family houses and in apartment house surroundings, children tend to play more on the streets, in parking areas, and near the entrances of dwellings than in the play areas designed for that purpose but located in backyards of single-family houses or on the sunny side of multi-story buildings, where there are neither traffic nor people to look at." (Gehl 25)

Yup. That back yard doesn't get stepped in for the colder/wetter 5 months of the year. Especially because of the layout of our house and the location of the next families with kids, we tend to play much more out on the street around the corner with two neighbourhood families. Everyone congregates on the sidewalk/street and more open entryway of another home. Since our kids love being with us anyway (and we love being with them!) I find myself always with them in the yard, or my preference, taking them to a playground, lake, forest, or other outing. In the mornings this town is so quiet I do not see another moving object or person til we get to the Kindergarten. That makes for an eerie sense of isolation. 

We like to be where people are. Almost every weekend we take our kids to the city, go for coffee and Kindercappucino, play on the main square, ride escalators or look at books in a bookstore. The kids love to watch/chase people, dogs, pigeons. They adore street musicians. They learn from what they observe. Even the negative things they might see, we can talk about. My son asking why that man is sitting on the ground with a sign and hat in front of him brings up some good discussions and I can help shape his worldview and understanding of poverty and practice generosity. I know city living is not for everyone, nor does it need to be. But I believe the big city is not a bad place to raise kids, nor is a village necessarily "perfect."

In my next post, I'll share some things which encourage me that the city is a fantastic place to raise children.