My mind is full, neck is stiff, right wrist is cracking and cramping from too many arrow strokes down and mouse clicks. There are articles to read, sort, take notes on. Books to be ordered through inter-library loans; fortunately HiWis (student assistants) are still on duty to photocopy the dozens and dozens of pages. An abstract to be sent in for a conference. Suitcases to pack, travel arrangements to be made, last-minute gifts to be purchased and Canadian dollars to pick up from the bank.
We're flying to Canada on Friday. It will be the first time I have seen my brother and sisters, their spouses and children (our kids have 7 Canadian cousins. Actually 2 of those are Americans, technically.) in two years. My parents were able to come and see us in Montreal in April 2012 when we were there for a research trip for my PhD, and were also able to visit us last fall. But I miss those dear siblings of mine! We have lived apart for the past 15 years, first scattered all over North America and then I took the leap across the pond in 2004 making it notably harder to visit. I am grateful they all made the trip to Germany for our wedding in 2006; I know (even better now) what a sacrifice an overseas trip can be when you've got a young family.
At last my siblings et al. will meet our baby girl, who is almost not a baby anymore. There will be splash pads to visit, walks among the Tulip trees and sandy beaches (with hopefully no biting flies) at Rondeau Park, wiener roasts over the campfire on our parents' farm. I am hoping to score some more mint-condition kids books at local yard sales. Two years ago we saw a family with a few tables and blankets full of goods spread out on the front lawn in my tiny hometown, so we pulled over. When I inquired about the price of Bear Snores On the mom looked at me hopefully, "Maybe 25 cents?" Sold. Bear Snores On has become our favourite since then, inspiring many a bear cave of couch cushions and popcorn and black tea parties.
More than the packing and travel plans, my heart is reeling from all the Big Thoughts and Plans my husband and I have been talking over the past few days. Priorities, dreams, realigning the course of our future to what is most important to us and where we sense God tugging our hearts and footsteps. Remembering passions and ideas suppressed or left dormant out of necessity. Following Jesus into the great unknown, where feet may fail. The aches and tension in my body indicate that I am holding on too tightly to worry, to fear, to expectation and excitement and just Thinking. Too. Much.
Breathe in, breathe out. Have a coffee and take in the view from the top of the Mensa (cafeteria) overlooking our lake and the Mainau. There is a tension, living in the now, between here and there.
Be still and know that He is God.
