We buy new things all the time with the promise it will free us up. We’ll feel better about ourselves and our lives. We’ll have more fun, be less insecure, have more friends, and just generally be happier. And truth be told, stuff does tend to mask my insecurity and unhappiness for awhile.
But then, when the buzz fades, I’m more insecure and unhappy than I was before I had the stuff.
It might seem obvious to you, but I hadn't really thought about it so bluntly: we buy stuff to make us happy. Or perhaps, I never realized this was not just something "other people" did, it also applied to me. I have not done any actual research into consumerism or hoarding or shopping, but reading Allison's words here resonated with me:
I’ve had to confront my insecurity and tendency to compare myself with others by healing it rather than masking it with new furniture or clothes.
I remember buying a new dress for an event a couple of years ago (with a red theme, mind you. Not my choice as I had nothing red, not even an accessory). Even though I had no plans of doing so, at the last minute I ordered a red dress, simply because I heard a few other girlfriends were doing it. Looking back at our financial state at the time, I should not have been buying any new clothes. I knew better. But I let the subconscious comparison with others, or insecurity about what I would wear, motivate a choice.
When thoughts of this intercontinental shift began to get serious last spring, our monthly "house and garden" budget line in our zero-based budget went down to zero. And it felt good.
It felt so good to escape from the rat race of keeping up with what our friends have. We say we don't compare ourselves to others, but truly? When you see their nice dining table and chairs, its hard not to want to replace the hand-me-down one that's been known to fall apart at times over the past 8 years. When someone the same age or at the same stage of life as me [or, horrors, younger or less educated than me] has a nicer home or nicer things, some subconscious thought made me feel "I should have that, too."
We quit that race two years ago and I regularly fight against that deep inner sense of entitlement that wants to push me back on the hamster wheel. I love the freedom of being off the wheel, trying to live with less, on less, to be able to do more and bless more. I have tasted the freedom of encouraging others instead of being jealous or tearing them down, the freedom and peace that comes from contentment rather than comparison.
This past year we have not invested anything into our home, furniture etc. because we knew we would be moving. (Actually I did buy cute napkins a few times. Truth.) It has freed up money but also our thoughts. No longer scheming about what to buy next, how long to save up for something, or keeping a list of things we want.
We've sold things online. We've given stuff away to friends, we've traded babysitting for books and furniture with some uni students we know well (win-win-win!). I am feeling lighter all the time.
Like pretty soon I could walk on water.
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| Brave girls run in our family. |
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This post is part of a little series on stuff and decluttering. See links to posts one, two and three.
